looking back, i now see how beautiful it all has been..

and no, we can never go back to the past before, because that is what everyone's wishing for, and has never once came true. and it never will i guess.

definitely, we humans are a flawed piece of work of evolution. the very bit of feeling we have inside us, disgusts me sometimes. true we may know what is right and what is wrong(or so you think..but what is right and what is wrong?), but our feelings are always the dominant one. guiding us, and we blindly follow. brave were the ones who tried to fight it. inevitably, they failed.

sorry if you're thinking that i'm typing a load of nonsense, you may want to click the X button right now i don't mind. i don't expect readers to read on anyway(i thought, 'do i even have any?')

so let's get back on track.

i'd really really appreciate it if i had no feelings at all. not even a single bit. yeah true, if i'm happy to be able to bask in love even for a moment. but the pain it brings after that is..godspeed my death to me.

and why do i have to think so much? just why can't i control? because my feeling's at work. it never rests, not even for a split second. if only i could be stupider, i wouldn't have thought of so many things. not of this, and not of that. and when i don't, possibly i could be much better off, but no, i'm not blaming anyone here but myself.

fated i guess. no i do not believe in god('believe in' and 'believe there is' is a different thing.) and therefore i would not pray for my suffering to end. i believe in myself. i believe that i would one day overcome this hurdle, and race to the finishing line with the others. if only i could get back up as easily as i said i could.

after so long i finally came to a realization.

i fail more than i can possibly imagine.