Been long since i last updated. Real long.

I really really really wanna shout out as loud as i can. Don't really know how much longer i can take this shit that is NS.

It didn't really bother me/affect me at all during the first few days, but now that it's gonna be 2 months since i enlisted, everything is catching up to me. I feel so damn suffocated.

Gotta book-in later at night..putting on the green uniform just disgusts me to no end now. All that you wear during the 5 and a half days in camp is nothing but green and black, it's a kind of mental torture in a way. I hate it.

And just like that, you're out of my sight..

I still don't wanna let go. Yeah, i'm stupid to hold on but it's worth being stupid if it's worth being stupid. LOL.

It's like entering a lucky draw even if there's no prizes to be won. I guess i think i still have that little hope, thinking that even if it's a 0.1%, it's not a 0%.

Things are gonna be just..bad..

Short update for the win lol \m/

Yo.

Been long..

Short update though.

It'll happen. It'll most definitely happen. I'm not exactly prepared for the consequences..and i never will be. But, if not now, then when will it be..?

Hey..

The performance was..kinda unsatisfactory for me. Don't know bout the others though, but gotta practice more for street fest! (If we do get pass the auditions.)

Other than that, have been watching MLB for the past 2 days..at weird timings..

Nothing for now, don't really feel like updating about anything else..will update another time.

Yo. No more doubts and i'm back. With some drama. And a long update. At the most inappropriate time.
*Perhaps you know, and i always thought that you know*
I looked back, and i smiled. Memories no matter how sour always turn sweet after a few years, and if you did everything you could you would've no regrets.
*Maybe history's repeating itself?*
The knots are finally untangled after so long. After decades of pondering, ok maybe a month or so, i have finally made a decision. A decision that's not easy for anyone to make (i'm not bragging about this haha.), a promise to myself that i know i will break. It's really not easy at all, i just don't know how much more i can take. The rhyming is not deliberate..
*I'm so so so tempted.*
But anyways,
*Is it really fine to be selfish?*
I realized after all these pondering that as a guy, it's really selfish to confess your feelings to someone when you kinda know it's not gonna work out. Though you'll never know if you never try, the other party will always be hurt in some ways or another after thy confession. (lol) Well it's not exactly true, what i said, but in some cases, these things do happen..
*I really want to be.*
Scrape that.
*But when i think of the consequences..*
Never easy to move on..life itself is never easy..no matter how much you try to have fun, when you're all alone in your room, you're always a different person. Ahhhhhh this is so frustrating. It doesn't really matter how much thinking you've put into something, you'll most likely change your decision at the last moment. This is one heck of a rollercoaster ride i'm on, and whether i fall off or not depends on whether i wanna hold on -.- I'm typing so much useless text now that i feel like backspacing everything..but no i'm still kinda beating about the bush.
*Makes me wonder.*
But no, everything's good as it is..besides, i've been thinking, if love is just a word until you prove it, how do you prove your love to someone? Haha to me love is a self sacrifice.
*Is my selfishness..*
Anyways, Jam for Japan gig coming up at 6.30pm later! Hyakka Ryouran will hopefully do their best to give a performance decent enough to not ruin the musical appetites of the audiences, considering they're the 2nd bands up. It's not just their performance, but other bands' too! Ganbarimasu! I should really go to sleep now but i wonder if i've left anything out...will update once i remember..
*Really worth it?*

This is gonna be the last blog post of this blog till things are resolved within myself.

I guess i won't be saying anything else. What i wanna say is, i love you and and i always will. That's it. I really don't know what i can do anymore.

Tell me if i'm a jerk, tell me if i'm unworthy of anything at all. I won't know if you don't tell me, and i wanna know what you think of me. I wanna know how i am through your eyes. I wanna know if i'm just another acquintance. I wanna know everything about myself through you. Please, i beg you, tell me. Just tell me. I don't care how.

Until then, this is goodbye..

I think, that in your eyes, i am one and the same with others.

Ah whatever. I don't wanna type anymore. It's the same few things over and over and over and over and over.....this is gonna be the last post about all these. I don't wanna leave a bad impression that i'm overreacting and being dramatic and seeking attention. Not that i care how others think, but i do care about how you think of me..

This is all so pointless.