i feel real terrible..

asking for too much but..

i wanna get in top 5..

jumpstyle is the way of life.

ironic..very, ironic..



oh yes hope. i totally forgot that you're even there in the first place. but you know, they mean it when they say,

'that's what you get when you let your heart win'.
how very true, unfortunately.

perhaps i end up being in this situation because 'god' is punishing me? fat hope. it's cause and effect.

nevermind. it's not as simple as it seems. maybe if you find yourselves irritated, it would be best if..sorry to say this but..it would be best if you would stop troubling yourselves over me. it is a waste of time. i already said. it is not as simple as it seems..nobody would ever understand.

it's like climbing to the very top of a mountain just to let go before the end.

random topic but please, do not highlight if you're easily offended. what happens after that is none of my business. let's just say it's..sensitive. to some. or maybe all of them. but oh well.

I would like to start on a random topic, christianity.

what's wrong with being a christian? i say, self-denial. that's what's wrong with being one. because all christians, or the more..devout followers, are living in self-denial. i just don't know how that can happen.

do you guys believe in science? it's just impossible that some people could actually believe that we humans, are made from soil and rib. and that the earth was created by..god. you say bible, i say proof. i need evidence. i need theory, not hypothesis.

how can people actually believe that crap? i'll tell you why and how. because 'god' provides them comfort and security possibly no one in this world could ever give. because 'god' is just a figment of our own imagination, by saying anything about god giving you relief, comfort, or whatsoever you're receiving from that dude, you, my dear reader, is the first person to ever have crap come out of your mouth. you're imagining him, and you're saying things about god? this must be some real serious holy shit huh? i reccomend that you go see a doctor now.

and some who blah blah blah about how god exists, you are really in need of medication. i encountered someone, telling me that SCIENCE HAD PROVEN THAT GOD EXISTS. you know, i laughed for the whole day. that was like, the biggest joke that can ever exists only in a million years time. science and god, are like magnets. both are north poles, or both are south poles. they will never attract. to that person, please, don't make me laugh again, i can't take laughing for the entire day. i'm getting old you know.

even if god do exist, it is an evil god. that dude made humans. and if he is ever so perfect, why not make a human who won't freaking eat from the damned tree? my guess is adam was pretty hungry at that point of time. and i wonder why god was so stupid as to allow such easy access to that tree, and why he HAVE to make a fruit which could give you the knowledge of good and evil. and why put it on that tree? can't he keep it with him or something? and so they both ate it, and realized that each other was naked. dude, if god was the only one who knew right from wrong, why did he make them naked in the first place? i don't even wanna try thinking why. and those 2 ended up banished from the garden of eden? by now god should have realized that HUMANS DO CHANGE and he should freaking press the delete button or something. but no he didn't, he chose to FLOOD THE FREAKING EARTH at a certain point of time. dude, it SHOULDN'T be a punishment. god is too trusting. second chances don't ever matter, PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE! and now he told noah to build a freaking ark and well, you know the story. why must he do that? he should just let all humans die. it was a mistake. and now, he is again threatening to send down FREAKING FLAMES FROM THE SKY. he's gonna kill this earth again. wow, how nice of him to destroy us yet again.

a MORE logical explanation for the freaking end of this world, would be that it would end because humans are stupid enough to wage war. my believe is that if there is ever a WW3, it would definitely be the end. much simpler and much logical rather than flames coming down from the sky.

the bible, is only a a fairy tale, used to teach morales. perhaps using names of people whom really existed i don't know.

and about the creation of this universe and of earth, it would be much easier to believe that the heat singularity expanded into the universe after it is created by 2 pure forms of energy(it's been long since i read about that so i guess i'm right. my memory won't fail me that easily. this is too interesting.). isn't it much simpler?! the only thing in question is, how in the name of Hitler did the energy came about? but that's approx 13.7 billion years ago.if we could not find out what was out side the universe, we can never find out the answer.

what we should believe in, is science, not god. science is god! not god as in that God but god, as in god. got it? wanna say how god created us and all? evolution is god.

and

there are just too many contradictions in the bible. just freaking read the whole thing.

to all who's enraged by what i've wrote, I TOLD YOU SO. so now you know how i really am. just tell me that you hate me and that would be enough to explain everything you probably would be too lazy to say, long reasons like how i'm insensitive and how i suck, whatever. if you hate me just tell me. i won't mind. easier to end things that way. much simpler.

P.S, yes i believe in satanism, because that reflects everything that we are right now. satanism is not about worshipping Satan. know that satan also meant 'adversary'. but no, i'm not officially a satanist yet.

looking back, i now see how beautiful it all has been..

and no, we can never go back to the past before, because that is what everyone's wishing for, and has never once came true. and it never will i guess.

definitely, we humans are a flawed piece of work of evolution. the very bit of feeling we have inside us, disgusts me sometimes. true we may know what is right and what is wrong(or so you think..but what is right and what is wrong?), but our feelings are always the dominant one. guiding us, and we blindly follow. brave were the ones who tried to fight it. inevitably, they failed.

sorry if you're thinking that i'm typing a load of nonsense, you may want to click the X button right now i don't mind. i don't expect readers to read on anyway(i thought, 'do i even have any?')

so let's get back on track.

i'd really really appreciate it if i had no feelings at all. not even a single bit. yeah true, if i'm happy to be able to bask in love even for a moment. but the pain it brings after that is..godspeed my death to me.

and why do i have to think so much? just why can't i control? because my feeling's at work. it never rests, not even for a split second. if only i could be stupider, i wouldn't have thought of so many things. not of this, and not of that. and when i don't, possibly i could be much better off, but no, i'm not blaming anyone here but myself.

fated i guess. no i do not believe in god('believe in' and 'believe there is' is a different thing.) and therefore i would not pray for my suffering to end. i believe in myself. i believe that i would one day overcome this hurdle, and race to the finishing line with the others. if only i could get back up as easily as i said i could.

after so long i finally came to a realization.

i fail more than i can possibly imagine.

cause i'd rather waste my life pretending,
than have to forget you for one whole minute..

i hate my mother.

they taped over your mouth,
scribbled out the truths with their lies.

i think i'm screwed.. (!@#$)

hey..

day by day..nevermind..it just sucks..

can't imagine i've been like that for the past few days..going on? guess so..



I never wanted to say this,
You never wanted to stay..
I put my faith in you, so much faith..
and then you just threw it away.

high on fire..

English - D7
Chinese - F9
Mathematics - F9
Science (Chem, Bio) - D7
Combined Humanities - A1
Principles of Accounts - F9

Disappointing..
but not to me..
sorry..

how did we get here?
when i used to know you so well..

broken promises after another..
i just wished in the first place,
i didn't appear.

i feel like killing myself right now.

i guess i don't even have the right to be your friend anymore..
i'm sorry..

i gotta make clear something..

when people say,
life still goes on no matter what..
yeah sure it does,
only the ageing part.
My life is stuck,
right at that time.
No doubt about it,
it won't be fine.

what's life without friends,
is that called life?
when one so important,
left your side.
Stand you up just to bring you down,
killing you off without a sound,
i drop dead on the ground.

life is never fair to anyone. i would say that i really really hate myself right now. for feeling what i feel, then, and now, but i guess the one that's really hurt is you. so i'm sorry i've intruded.

hanging on to no hope at all..

i wonder if you've saw my message..i wonder..

There is no hope..

been there, read that.

i got it.
i got everything.
i was on a holiday.
i was on a cruise.
and her name was Titanic.

i'm sorry for the intrusion then. sorry for intruding your life. i shouldn't have. the only thing i can do now is..silence..

i guess that was the end..

Fate, i hereby announce that i wage an open war on you.

Conclusion :

When bad things happen, they'll happen ALL AT ONCE.

Come and get me. I dare you.

:)

would you believe if i told you i've?

no..

would you believe,
if i told you i've?..

all i ever wanted..

nevermind..

if that's really the case..i am relieved..

:)