i've got too many things i wanna chase.

depressing but,

i've never had faith in the world we live in.

it's a total mess anyway.

according to the teacher, chem results are totally outrageous. thus, all her anger and grievances poured out. she claims that nobody understands her..did she force us to come to sec 5 she asked.

how bout' me? no she didn't force me to apply for sec 5. neither did i WANT to be promoted to sec 5. my father forced me. does anyone understand this then? when your ambition has been taken hostage? it's like saying, 'go up to sec 5 or i'll kill off your dream right here right now.'

HOW THE FUCK WAS I SUPPOSE TO GIVE UP MY DREAM THEN?!

yeah go on, say that it's wasting a year going up to ITE. when you're being forced to come up to sec 5, where the hell do you get the mood to excel? i'll end up wasting one year in sec 5 just to end up in ITE again. THEN, you'll say, it's because i've already had the mindset to go to ITE, that's why i don't want to do well for my Os, so that i can go ITE. and you'll end up holding my dream as a hostage again, saying that i should retain and get the Os cert.

when that happens, goodbye, i'm seriously out of the damn house.

so tell me, nobody understands the pain my teacher is going through. but who the fuck understands mine?

Longing by X Japan
[Translated]

Hurting more than words could ever try to say
Once again my tears come raining down
Someday, though, I know that all I feel will be...
So I sing... this 'Unending* Melody'...
Hold you close within my heart and tomorrow will live
again and
Maybe you and I will live there, too...

Sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you feel my heart
Falling through the rain

I sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you hold my tears?
Cause, still I love you

I can't face that thought of being alone
I sing, for the song still carries on
Hold you close within my heart and think of all the
songs we would sing
But your voice has faded soft away...

Sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you feel my pain?
There's nothing I can do...

I still have a longing for your memory
Even if it only causes pain...
I want to tell you of what's in my heart

But right now... there's no one here for me to tell...
Once again the rain comes pouring, slowly seeming to
turn into dreams
Where tomorrow is 'played' just like a song...

Sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you feel my heart
Falling through the rain

I sing without you
I'll sing without you
Can't you hold my tears?
Cause, still I love you

---

and suddenly life paused,
like a video being rewatched over and over.
as the silence stepped in,
tears began to fall.
as the droplet hit the ground,
the jazzy background replays itself,
everything as it were before.
and then suddenly,
life paused.

so many things to do..

memories memories memories..

they're painful, torturing, cold, harsh..

but they're also the ones that makes you truly happy..you'll feel like you've just dropped from the lowest ocean to the highest peak, then drop down into the deep ocean again..

it's a cycle, yeah?..

2 days without school, a holiday of about 3 days including monday..

does an arrow shot through a heart mean love?

it meant a broken heart.

let's face it.

all good things come to an end.

And the silence falls between us,
as the shadows steal the light.