kendo kendo kendo kendo kendo kendo kendo!!!!

NEED KENDO!

yet another day has passed, prelim's one quarter done.

i can't believe i'm saying this.


the best way to stop the pain is,


death. foolish, but yes it's the only way. i never really believed in this, i don't know what makes me say it now. everyone has thought of suicide, but how many of them actually dares to suicide? all talk but no action, why even bother. being emo isn't the in thing you know.

i said death is the only way to stop the pain, i never said i wanna die, that's stupid. it's a much better choice to stay in a state that's more painful than a million years of torturing, much worse than death. isn't it?..

it's so much more easier for everyone to live their lives without me in the picture..right?

what goes up, must come down.
but what comes down may not go up.

than again, what does it feel to be blind?
what if one day i woke up blind?
how many of my friends would still be there?
being blind might be the only way to truly see everything.

it's so funny that the more you climb, the longer and harder it gets. yet when you fall, it only took less than a few seconds to reach the bottom.




no one saved us, no one's, gonna save us, now..

like how i've felt much more than extreme joy can mean, i'm feeling much more than extreme devastation meant.

back

to

square

one.

why is this always happening to me? i guess i'm just expecting too much out of nothing at all.

not..

oh well. i guess things are starting to look a little brighter right now. just hope that i don't ever ever screw up. i guess being paranoid isn't how it's really supposed to be.

this is the first time i'm actually feeling all these extreme feelings. but with this i know you're a special friend :) i'm glad to have ever be so bored that i actually went onto habbo, because i'm glad that i've ever met you. Thanks, for everything. (and get well soon! although you can't see this..ahahas..)

***

class politics! yes i know i've said that but, i guess things just got worse. the Arms Race is almost over. well, i'm just SUPER EXCITED. things have been going well for me these few days. maybe i'll bring some luck over? wahaha LOL.

***

but still, to some, i guess i'll forever be a disappointment. especially my grades, which has been steadily declining ever since, i don't know when. perhaps i'm not a person who can really study. but singapore is crafted in such a way that, you HAVE to be able to study. which is of couse, totally unfair towards those who're not cut out for it. i see no alternative route. i know the singapore's government is being really good and all, but when we're on a Cruiser without lifeboats, how would we escape if we were to crash into an iceberg? some food for thought.

***

perhaps i can never understand how it works. now i know my point of view is actually kinda wrong, yet i'm saying all the right stuffs to comfort others. WHAT THE HELL?! yeah, hypocrisy. i never practice what i preached. this shows that one who comforts others is unable to comfort himself.

***

TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE! 22nd july 2009. i'm so looking forward to it. i don't mind doing my exam paper out in the parade square, just to witness this phenomenon. gosh i'm so so so excited!

yup, all good things come to an end yeah.

however, even though it's only i think, half an hour? but it's more than enough already. this kinda things ain't supposed to happen everyday you know, something like a phenomenon i guess, i mean, to me, that is..

even if it's for just a small small part of my entire lifetime, i'm content. Man is always greedy. they always ask for more. of course i don't deny that i ain't asking for more, just that i should just be satisfied with whatever that's given. that should be it.

P.S, over reacting to things might have a bad effect on it.

all good things come to an end

you know what, i'm just gonna blabber on about random stuffs.

class politics..

you know, everything's so calm now. TOO calm in fact. in this situation, you'll imagine yourself on an island, so peaceful, so quiet. then you'll die without even knowing what hit you. there's always a calm before the storm.

going by that, i know that there's a war coming. it would really be hard not to conceal it all anymore. i ain't a zip lock bag you know, a zip lock bag has it's limits too. i just hope i don't really overdo things and get myself into trouble, not like i'm not in any anyway.

you know, there is so many things that i'm actually capable of, just that i actually felt pity, and never did what i really wanted to do. however, this time, i just might not let my feelings intervene anymore. i'll use logic instead. we'll see when the time comes then.

this is a war i'm really excited to be in somehow.

i just can't wait to see the outcome.

like they say, from a straw holder,
pull one straw, it's 9/10 full.
pull another, it's 8/10 full.
continue, it'll be 7/10 full.
yet again, it'll be 6/10 full.
and again, it'll be half full.
pull somemore, it'll be 4/10 full.
one more, it'll be 3/10 full.
without control, i'll be 2/10 full.
itchy hands, it'll be 1/10 full.
not satisfied, that's it, that's the last straw.

win a war, with hidden land mines beneath you every step you take.
win a war, with remote controlled bombs around every corner.
if you win a war like this, you'd be a hero.

Spears shall be shaken.
Shields, splintered.
A red day,
a sad day,
and the Sun rises..

P.S, HOLY SHIT I JUST RECEIVED AN SMS. PLEASE LET IT BE WHO I THINK IT IS PLEASE...

EDIT,

YES, IT IS CLONE. GOSH I'M SO FREAKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW PLEASE.

and my biggest failure might be just how i never understood how other people feel.

somehow..

i'm missing chatting with Clone. wherever you are, stay well yeah..

i'm sorry.

i didn't really mean to say it that aggresively. i can never meet the expectations of anyone. come to think of it, it has always been the same since i don't know when. i guess i'm already used to climbing up and falling off. nobody should have really cared about me lest they get hurt.

saying all these makes me look irresponsible. but it's really the truth since i've decided to post it. ever really wonder how would the weaker side of me would be like? this is it. i am a disappointment to everyone who really cared. do i look like one in real life? well now i do.

basketball trainings! starting soon..lol

it is indeed a great regret if you'd confessed your feelings and lost the friendship.

however, it is a greater regret if you didn't confess your feelings.

hell of a week it has been..

when i thought i went through hell, it has only been 4 days since the start of the week. this 4 weeks felt like i've died and reincarnated 4 times. 4 freaking lifetimes, that is!

and finally it's friday. the last day, 12.30pm much awaited. i guess i'll be mostly slacking till then..i can't really do anything for 3 periods of chinese. for geography i don't really think i'll have the mood to pay attention. for bio, worse. english is like, the best period, but there's only one period later! and it's the last..

come to think of it, i've been assigned a hot topic for some essay thing. i think it's something like, 'Are rich people happier than people who are poor?' that's just like asking, 'can money buy happiness?' almost the same points. i can't bring myself to write it. i've had it with money topics..

anyway, don't bother reading the rest of this post. the rest is nonsense.



i'm so lazy to do anything more right now. life is just too troublesome. obviously that doesn't apply to ALL things but it's rather obvious it applies to ALL things related to Os. Os is troublesome. Math is the most troublesome of all. i don't need pythagoras theorems, quadratic formulas, TOA CAH SOH, sin/cosine rule, or whatever, to really get a freaking job right? i mean, i ain't gonna be no engineer or architect or anything that will use such advanced mathematics. the most i might go would probably be addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, and if i tried to be funny, maybe algebra. but no choice, singapore has a high standard of living. a minimum of Os with a decent amount of credits is a must and hopefully, i'll get at least 5.

i realized this has been a ridiculously long post, with nothing but complains. i don't really know what i'm doing actually. i'm just typing and typing and well, typing. oh well. whatever.