i'm thinking too much..shush..

am i just paranoid, or i'm just stoned?

merry christmas everyone..

hello everybody, christmas is coming, and christmas eve is in about an hours time.

mr khoo promised a treat to seoul garden's since i got a 1 for english..ahahas, i didn't expect that i get a 1..it's kinda hard to get, but somehow i got it.

i've been spending quite alot of my bicycle lately..pump, portable pump..i've bought 2 pumps in all..i'm planning to buy a new bike, one with suspension..should i? I LOVE THE HARD WHEEL..

i'm cycling to little guilin on christmas day. the night sky there is really amazing, not what you see in any other areas. but sadly, the little guilin's water stink..hey, they don't wash it..

actually little guilin is just a big piece of rock..i'm just cycling there for the night sky and the distance..i forgot what i wanted to say..

MORE stress..

ok actually not really..i'm gonna skip the grade 7 exams..i'm going for grade 8, if everything goes well, the exam would be in april 2010..my theory exam would be in oct 09, which i HAVE to pass, if not, my grade 8 exam's gonna be in nov 2010..my teacher is giving me one whole year to practice for grade 8, hope i can make it!

but anyway, i've decided, to do my best since i'm going to sec 5..but it's not because of my parents..i still hate them..i don't know what to say already..i'm seriously looking forward to Os, so that it can end quickly, don't tell me it will be very fast..it will only be fast if you look back..

oh well, extra lessons for maths..i know everyone is going to be very shocked at me..whatever..i still hate maths, but i need maths to go poly, no wait, THEY want us to PASS maths to go poly..

i feel sleepy, but i cannot sleep already, so i might as well just waste my one and a half hour trying to post whatever i wanna say..

***PLEASE DON'T READ***

i really don't know what to start on..i just hope that school faster starts and i can get it over and done with. everyone's asking me to do the same thing, go up to sec 5..now is everyone happy? i'm up to sec 5..somehow i still feel that 09 is a very bad year. my feeling's rarely wrong..this is serious..i don't know, maybe the bad thing is about to happen soon?..
anyway an advice for all..if you've already done something wrong, there's no point crying over spilt milk, rather, we must all try to think how to salvage it. i can say things aren't really going well for me right now. i'm on the verge of losing a friend, on the verge of losing my mind, on the verge of losing my freedom. i'm on the verge of a cliff..i don't want anyone to think i'm trying to earn your sympathy, because i'm not. seriously..but hey, no matter how near am i to losing everything, life still goes on normally. we still have to live our lives, and not get stuck there!
regarding all my previous posts..i hope it doesn't offend anybody..i just feel so alone now. seriously. somehow or rather everything's changing, for the worse..it really took me by surprise this time, it came a little bit too early. i won't enjoy christmas if things don't get better for me, i don't get to enjoy new year either. i won't have to mood to. i really don't want our friendship to end, no matter what i've said, but i guess it's all useless now..but whatever it is, 09 is still gonna be a bad year for me. especially when i'm the commander (yes, again) for the footdrill competition squad, that's, one whole chunk of responsibility. if i screw up on the competition day, i'll be held responsible should we not win. and i gotta start to learn my maths, and i really hope the training isn't as much when school reopens. my music theory lesson's gonna start too, and it's a direct jump to grade 5..i'm gonna take grade seven in like, i don't know, a few months time? it's near the start of the year. my grade 8's supposedly taken in nov 09..so is it a bad year or not? to top it off, there's my O levels..my theory exam's supposedly in oct 09..i really wanna say sorry to everyone, and i know the best way is to prove through action. and i know you're trying your best to help..it's just that, i feel that i can do it..let me try?..i know that after all i've said, you'll still be disappointed..sigh..it's officially screwed, my life..my nightmare is about to come true..
this post is now 15 minutes long..i took 15 minutes to type all these..

i feel so cut off from everybody now.
no one is really trusting what i said..
hey, what am i doing? turning my back on everyone..even my best friend..

everyone wanted the best for me..i know that and i thank everyone for that, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.

and i'm sorry also, for all those i've disappointed..really really sorry, sincerely, humbly..nevermind, no matter what i say, it's only gonna make things worst..i've disappointed someone i shouldn't have, i've hung my phone on someone i shouldn't have, i've said the wrong things to someone which i should not have said, i've done all the wrong things at once! and don't tell me that god is behind all these because he's not, no matter how many times i scold him, or her, or they or whatsoever, it isn't because of him that i am what i am today. it's only my own mistake, my own fault.

blame myself for not being able to take tuitions. blame myself for not being able to revise, blame myself for excelling in other stuffs rather than schoolwork, blame myself for having the wrong interest, hey, whatever, JUST BLAME MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING!

it's just that i can't stand it anymore..and i still feels that no one understands me well enough..whatever..this is the reason why i'm such a disappointment, BECAUSE IT'S MEANT TO BE..

i've had enough. i feel like going my own way, but i can't. what about all my friends..

and to my parents, i'll remember your threaten for life. i will not forgive you, even if i die. NEVER. you will see, ONE DAY you will see, it's not that i think that what i say is always right, just that YOU 2 ARE WRONG.

i know my own limits, abilities, etc..and if you people want, can stop bothering about me if it's too troubling..I AM NOT WORTHY TO BE A BOTHER. i'm not worthy of anything..

so guess what, look at what my fucking parents has done to make me fucking stay in unity,

they threatened to not let me go to ite if i don't go sec 5.
THEY FUCKING THREATEN TO CANCEL MY FLUTE LESSONS, FUCK THEM SERIOUSLY..i hate it when anyone tries to mess with it..

so what you think i did? of course go up sec 5..if not what, jeapodize the thing that i like the most just for going to ite? FUCK IT

music is my life. i'm not going stop learning. this is the first time i feel like leaving house.

what i really cannot stand is, you 2 fucking lied. i am so fucking disappointed..

HEY PEOPLE, I'M GOING TO ITE..

sorry to all red cross juniors, as i am not able to be the commander..but i'll still be coming back to help if you guys want..

sorry to others too..

'You call this a Diplomatic solution?'

'No, i call it aggresive negotiations..'

i had a dream..a bad dream..

i got back my music result already..70, not a very good score..

technical work, 6/15
scales, arpeggios, all these..

Performance
16
15
16
not what i expected, will definitely aim for at least a 17, AT THE VERY LEAST 17..

Viva Voce 3/7
didn't study much, what i studied didn't come out.

Sight reading 7/10
didn't know i could get that kinda score..miracle.

Aural tests 7/8
somehow i did well..yet another miracle..

overall 70..for a diploma, the passing mark is 75..sigh sigh sigh? good luck to me on grade 7 and grade 5 theory..

i am soooooooo falling asleep right now, i wanna continue watching The Little Nyonya..

gotta stay awake..

i promised i will update soon..ahahas!

i'm currently waiting for swing girls to start, i think it'll be a good show..on OKTO!

sigh, i'm stuck in footdrill competition..ms fizah didn't think about giving the current sec 3s a chance to do commanding. it's so unfair to them and to me..ahahas! i've got it twice in a row, and they didn't at all. and they're graduating next year, i am too, wait, perhaps this year. we'll know after this thurs, i think i'll be in ITE next year. well, most likely..really really, i've only 3 subjects to rely on, and one of them is chinese! now you know why i've no confidence, but oh well, ITE isn't all that bad either! besides, i wanna get into the IT course..i hope i can get in..

so boring at home nowadays..nothing much to do, besides practicing flute, using the computer..blah blah blah..well, nothing much to update already..byeee~

guess my dinner?




























kfc family feast..all to myself..:D
i didn't eat breakfast as there's training today..kinda woke up late..

i have blisters on both my heels..too long never wear boots!

ahahas, will find things to post when i'm done eating.. :D

what, the fuck..

Rules:
1. Each player of this game start of with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. 2. People who get tagged have to write 10 thing little known facts.
3. The end you need to choose 10 people to tag and list out their names
4. No tag back the person who tagged you.
______________________________________
Tagged by Chloe
Here's the 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about myself;
1) I can't think of weird things / habits / litte known facts about myself.
2) I am sadistic.
3) I don't get angry easily.
4) I cannot stand not having the computer on.
5) I cannot stand not hearing the TV's static.
6) I like Dragonforce.
7) I like star wars more than lord of the rings.
8) I like lord of the rings more than SAW.
9) I like SAW more than full metal alchemist.
10) I like Full metal alchemist.

My name;
A: you like to drink
B: you like people
C: you are really silly
D: you like to eat
E: you like to play with dogs
F: you are dead sexy
G: you never let people tell you what to do
H: you have good personality and good looks
I: easy to be with
J: people adore you
K: you are wild and crazy
L: everyone loves you
M: best kisser ever
N: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
O: easy to fall in love with
P: you are popular with all types of people
Q: you are a tomboy
R: you are loyal to those who love you
S: crazy
T: awesome kisses
U: you really like to chill
V: awesome in bed
W: you are very broad minded
X: you love sports
Y: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
Z: always ready
_______________________________________
K: you are wild and crazy
I: easy to be with
N: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
G: you never let people tell you what to do
N: best GF/BF anyone could ask for
G: you never let people tell you what to do
E: you like to play with dogs
E: you like to play with dogs
_______________________________________
People whom i tagged.

1.Norman (muaha)
2.Clone! (hope you're feeling better)
3. Melissa
4. Malcolm
5. XXS
6. June
7. Hazel
8. Anyone
9. Who
10. Sees this.

quiz time..first time doing..

1. the person who tagged me:
Chloe

2. your relationship with him/her is:
a very very very good friend of mine.

3. your five impression of him/her:
Blur
Careless
Hardworking
Always striving to do better
EMO.

4. the most memorable thing he/she has done for you:
Sms me? ahahas..

5. the most memorable thing that he/she has said to you:
'na li ke yi zhe yang!'

6. if he/she becomes your lover, you will:
be the happiest guy that ever lived because she's really a nice girl.

7. if he/she becomes your lover, he/she will:
i don't know. i'm not her.

9. if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason would be:
i'm too irritating.

10. the most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
cheering her up.

11. your overall impression of him/her is:
very very good. what else to answer?
naggy stunt-ful smarty multi-tasking royal princess chloe? :D

12. how you think people around you will feel about you?
'this guy sucks.'

13. the characteristics you love of yourself are:
if i'm really interested in something, i'll make sure i get it no matter what.
doesn't apply to humans.

14. on the contrary, the characteristics you hate of yourself are:
not being able to think before i talk.

15. the most ideal person you wanna be is:
me myself and i duh. this question is.........................

16. for people whom care for and like you, say something to them:
something. joking. thanks, whoever you guys, or girls are. i will try my very best not to disappoint you people.

17. pass this quiz to 10 persons you wish to know how they feel about you:
(is it good to trouble people?)
1. clone! (get well soon!)
2. chloe (returning a quiz to you..)
3. Norman (get off your lazy ass and start updating your blog.)
4. Melissa (i know you working, very busy..)
5. Malcolm (update also..)
(i can't come up with another 5 because not many people visit my blog.)
6. XXS (hope you one day decide to visit my blog)
7. June (another one who never visits.)
8. Hazel (another two who never visits.)
9. Melody (totally didn't know i changed link? or something? ahahas..i don't blame you.)
10. can have wild card? gosh..er..peizhen ba..
(gosh so many girls..)

18. who is no. 1 having relationship with? (Clone)
she's having a relationship with viruses now.
meaning, she's having a virus infection.
GET WELL SOON.

19. is no.9 a male or a female? (Melody)
Female.. :D

20. if no.7 and 10 are tgt, would it be a good thing? (June and Peizhen)
there is no if. they are not lesbians and do not know each other.

21. what is no.2 studying about? (Chloe)
Triple science. don't overwork!

22. when is the last time you had a chat with no.3? (Norman)
this morning, 3+am..

23. what kind of music band does no.8 like? (Hazel)
i don't know, christian band?

24. would you woo no.3? (Norman)
i have been owned.. obviously no.

25. how about no.7?
i'm sure it would be a no.
already have someone i really love.

26. is no.4 single? (Melissa)
nope. and it's kinda unfortunate, the kind of guy she's with..

27. what is the surname of no.5? (Malcolm)
TAN

28. what's the hobby for no.4? (Melissa)
erm, working part time, playing habbo..?

29. does no.5 and no.8 get along well? (Malcolm and Hazel)
how to, when they don't know each other?

30. where is no.2 studying at? (Chloe)
Unity sec.

31. say something casual about no.1 (Clone!)
a good friend, very friendly, very very friendly..

32. have you tried developing feelings for no.8? (Hazel)
nope..never did try.

33. where does no.9 live? (Melody)
Bishan ah?

34. what colour does no.3 like? (Norman)
erm, blue? right?

35. are no.5 and no.1 best friend? (Clone and malcolm)
don't know each other.

36. does no.1 have any pets? (Clone)
not sure. but i think no.

37. is no.7 the sexiest person in the world? (June)
yeah right. don't make me laugh. not sexiest la, she still need to go on a diet..ahahas, joking.

38. what is no.10 doing now? (Peizhen)
slacking at home i guess?




FINALLY i'm done..so long..












anyway, an update for today, went swimming, stayed at cck stadium from 12+ till 7+, approx 7 hours. but of course, 1-1 1/2 hours are outside the pool. only 3 turned up today, grayson and malcolm..

after they left, i did some laps at 6+++..i only went up till 8 consecutive laps. but still better than nothing, considering that i've stayed for so long and am going to cycle home..

oh well, nothing much then..

cheer up!!

and clone, get well real soon.

i hate this kinda feeling.